a cry towards the absurd

The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.Camus
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Posted by Matt on Tuesday, February 04, 2003 at 16:23:17 :

I don't know if everyone else has found this, but people really have no idea who i am in the society around me. With regards to common sense, everyday life etc im sometimes quite slow at getting things, or do stupid things such as ask someone who im talking to on my mobile phone if they've seen my phone around... you know, im a complete dreamer

The past few years ive found that everyone around me who i vaguely know thinks im very stupid, and constantly patronise me. And i tend to play up to it. People catch me reading a book and say "wow i didnt think you'd read a book in your life". And of course i know why; i didnt do that well in my GCSEs and i have a very casual attitude towards handing work in. And i cant blame them - if i was someone else, i wouldnt have the slightest idea i was who i really am. I go clubbing for fuck's sake! im really very normal

and yet my thoughts, the music i like, the poetry, im so obsessed with the abstract..... maybe im pretentious, but i just despise the fact that everyone is so blinkered, so narrow-minded regarding the world/universe, and i just can't help feeling there's so so much reality around me...... and im just not moving through it in the right way

i think perhaps mind-expanding drugs are in order

anyway does anyone else here work or live in an environment with people who a)are completely oblivious to your state of mind and way of thinking and b)sometimes patronise you as a result of this

and c)you get arrogant and tell them you're the greatest mind of your generation in a semi-sarcastic/ironic kind of way

damn this forum is so cathartic... matt x


THE TRAGEDY OF IT IS THAT NOBODY SEES THE LOOK OF DESPERATION ON MY FACE. MILLIONS OF US, AND WE'RE PASSING EACH OTHER WITHOUT A LOOK OF RECOGNITION
Henry Miller


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