a cry towards the absurd

The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.Camus
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Re: thanks, robot


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Posted by trablano on Tuesday, December 17, 2002 at 05:10:55 :

In Reply to: Re: thanks, robot posted by Spratley on Monday, December 16, 2002 at 19:49:51 :

: : I actually do have a psychosis (shizophrenia), but it's kept at bay medically and most of the time I don't feel drawbacks from it. I'm pretty much sure that it doesn't originate from pain, it comes more from a time when my emotional stress was overall too high. Seeing any therapy way out for this?
: ----------------------------
: Pain, stress. . . the same I think. Ask yourself what the stress is usually about. Example, could the stress of having to hold down a job and live paycheck to paycheck and keep up socially acceptable appearances be enough to trigger an episode?

****

For others this may count but for me it was the opposite. I had had withdrawn from social activities for a very long time, and then, as I got out again, I got overwhelmed. Information overload.

: Another way of describing that stress would be the pain of having to conform to the world around you when what's inside you doesn't agree with that world. Many, many people are found every day saying things like, "I don't feel like I belong in this world" or "I think I was born 200 years to late" or " I can't stand this rat race."

****

It's typical for shizophrenics to feel as if they don't belong in this world. In earlier times doctors called this "loosing the natural sense for implicitness". I as others with the same illness suddenly felt as if anything were strange, as if they were participants in a surreal game which they are not allowed to grasp. With me, it was pretty kafkaesk.


: I read ELDRAS' definition of experienceing more pain than the mind can deal with as "The mind failing to cope with the conditions it finds itself in." Human skin can't cope with a certain high temperature. When it finds itself subjected tothat temperature it feels pain. HUman animals are social and form strong bonds with other people --they thrive on those conditions. When someone you have made a strong bond with dies, you have difficulty coping with that new conditions and you feel pain.

****

I've had my main illness-related conflict with imagination. One day I had simply decided, I don't know why, that I was a man who had lost his love, that she had commited suicide. Not long afterwards I suddenly began to have hallucinations about that person, and others which I saw as her friends and relatives. I also had hallucinations about god and the devil. I developed a system of madness in which I saw myself as having come into a devilish play between supernatural forces and people who in turn played with those. I can tell you, I sank into this explosive mixture quite deeply and it took me long time to get out of it. I even had tried to commit suicide during those times, it was all very depressive. Anyway, once I got to the doctor and got prescriped with medicaments it all pretty soon went away. I know often wonder why I sank into that illness, know no good explanation, before all this happened I had been a very well grounded person. My doctor tells that I should rely on it all being of organic origin.

: I have long thought about how schizophrenia is connected to the civilization we have built up around us. Plunging ourselves onto sidewalks filled with thousands of complete strangers, confining ourselves to cities and towns where we have pushed out as much of nature as possible --nature which we spent hundreds of millions of years evolving within. Forcing people to do work which is not directly related to their own survival needs. Doing away with the solar and lunar clocks under which our organism has evolved for hundreds of millions of years and forcing us to obey numbers of a black box (clock). I beleive it is quite possible that the world we have built around us is completely inconducive to certain kinds of minds. Sure, some people eat this shit up --those are your CEO's and Generals and the people who trudge to work for a lifetime and never complain.

That could be correct, but remember, this is the majority. Just an example ... I had great shizophrenic delusions about god when I had the illness, delusions, which I couldn't understand when I got healthy again. As soon as I really understood what I had been thinking I began to feel shame, shame about how I had sunk into such a deep lightless theism as I have had. I returned to atheism once the hallucinations went away and got very vigilant about theism at all. I projected my own shame over any theism I found. And forgot that theistic people don't usually suffer from the illness I had suffered. Another conflict at hand ...

: So I focus on the part of ELDRAS' definition which alludes to a person finding themselves in a situation that they are not well suited to, which makes demands of them which stresses their coping mechanisms, and ultimately saps a person beyoond some threshold.

That threshold must be in the subconscious somewhere. During all the time of my illness my intelligence remained active. But I could not see what's going on.

: Stress, pain, both synonyms for the result of finding onesself in an intolerable reality. So, therapeutic remedies? Remove yourself from this thought-system and life-system which causes you to fracture and flee. Don't participate in the dominant worldview. If our culture seems to ignore or devalue nature, then build a relationship to nature. This could be as simple as picking out a tree or a brook or a birdsnest and spening ten minutes with it every day, just reflecting on it, letting whatever perceptions and thoughts about it flow through you. If the capitalist economy stresses you out, find ways to remove yourself from it. Grow a garden, develop a craft and trade your goods for the things you need. Give up telelvision, invent your own religion.

Well, I don't watch television, can't, I still find myself influenced by it when I do. But I don't miss it anyway. Inventing a religion is also no option ... I am an atheist who wants to perceive reality mainly in an objective way, not in a religious way.

: The interesting part of what ELDRAS talked about what they inserting yourself into a different understanding of reality is not necessarily pathological. Einstein created a new conception of reality and we call him a genius. You don't have to give up the shifting of realities to be healthy. You have to give up the tension that those realities suffer with the dominant reality. . .the reality that most people will insist is the real reality. Surround yourself with a calming, satisfying, healthy reality by extracting yourself form the dichotomy of "real" and "pathological." Shame will disappear, anxiety will disappear, happiness will grow. At least we should all hope it would.

That last advice of yours is good, found it out myself. My own salvation I've found in studying art and history, in it I find descriptions of reality and wisdoms that do fit. Music also helps.


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