a cry towards the absurd

The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.Camus
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Re: manic street preachers

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Posted by Spencer on Monday, March 31, 2003 at 00:12:14 :

In Reply to: manic street preachers posted by Matt on Sunday, March 30, 2003 at 17:39:42 :

There were two major shocks for me when I was a kid, and I mean MAJOR. The first was finding out that there is no Santa Claus. I was speechless for a long time after that. For years, I wondered if I would ever find out anything like that again. I always wondered what was next, if anything. When I was 16, I experienced the next one. This time, it wasn't Santa Claus. It was God. It came in two waves. There was the agnostic wave, where I realized that God MIGHT not exist. That was the mind blowing shocker that
really got me into philosophy. I had always been philosophical, but the realization I had got me way into it. The next wave of the shock was my assessment that God does not exist. It did not blow me away because I had already seen the legitimate possibility, but it got me even more into philosophy. This was when I started writing poetry all the time. I was absolutely obsessed with what and why it all is, and that is what I wrote about. The first wave got me obsessed with politics. I felt suddenly like adults don't know what they are talking about, and I felt perfectly justified in disagreeing and arguing with what they believe. I was a cynic and a skeptic about everything, and still am I guess, but probably more rational and less rebellious. A few months later, a friend of mine let me borrow his Tao Te Ching, the one translated by Steven Mitchell. That book influenced me tremendously, and I got even much further into philosophy because of it. I was a Maharishi Mahesh Yogi follower for a while (This happened after a very messed up year in my life.), and I started believing in God again, but then my uncle died right at the time I started getting crazy Maharishi propaganda in the mail, which exposed to me his fraudulent nature. I slammed into a brick wall and became a complete atheist again. That was when I was 21. As I was typing that last sentence, I realized that that happened right at 10 years ago, to the day. The Maharishi propaganda thing happened about a week before my uncle died, and the died on April 5, 1993. Weird. I am still way into philosophy, poetry, and politics. I think the extreme swings in my beliefs (I also used to be 100% anti-war. I showed up for Gulf War protests in 1991. I believed that collective meditation was the answer to the world's problems.) expanded my view of it all. It was very educational to believe so many different things. I haven't changed my mind about much of any of it in the past 10 years, but I know that it might happen. I might be a Baptist preacher protesting war with Al-Qaeda in 10 years, but I doubt it. My adulthood beliefs have been pretty consistent.

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