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Existentialism
Franz Kafka (1883 - 1924)
A crossbreed [a sport] |
Du
hast mich letzthin einmal gefragt, warum ich behaupte,
ich hätte Furcht vor Dir |
I
have a curious animal, half kitten, half lamb. It is a legacy
from my father. But it only developed in my time; formerly
it was far more lamb than kitten. Now it is both in about
equal parts. From the cat it takes its head and claws, from
the lamb its size and shape; from both its eyes, which are
wild and flickering, its hair, which is soft, lying close
to its body, its movements, which partake both of skipping
and slinking. Lying on the window sill in the sun it curls
up in a ball and purrs; out in the meadown it rushes about
like mad and is scarcely to be caught. It flees from cats
and makes to attack lambs. On moonlight nights its favorite
promenade is along the eaves. It cannot mew and it loathes
rats. Beside the hen coop it can lie for hours in ambush,
but it has never yet seized an opportunity for murder.
I feed
it on milk; that seems to suit it best. In long draughts it
sucks the milk in through its fanglike teeth. Naturally it
is a great source of entertainment for children. Sunday morning
is the visiting hour. I sit with the little beast on my knees,
and the children of the whole neighborhood stand around me.
Then the
strangest questions are asked, which no human being could
answer: Why there is only one such animal, why I rather than
anybody else should own it, whether there was ever an animal
like it before and what would happen if it died, whether it
feels lonely, why it has no children, what it is called, etc.
I never
trouble to answer, but confine myself without further explanation
to exhibiting my possession. Sometimes the children bring
cats with them; once they actually brought two lambs. But
against all their hopes there was no scene of recognition.
The animals gazed calmly at each other with their animal eyes,
and obviously accepted their reciprocal existence as a divine
fact.
Sitting
on my knees, the beast know neither fear nor lust of pursuit.
Pressed against me it is happiest. It remains faithful to
the family that brought it up. In that there is certainly
no extraordinary mark of fidelity, but merely the true instinct
of an animal which, though it has countless step-relations
in the world, has perhaps not a single blood relation, and
to which consequently the protection it has found with us
is sacred.
Sometimes
I cannot help laughing when it sniffs around me and winds
itself between my legs and simply will not be parted from
me. Not content with being a lamb and a cat, it almost insists
on being a dog as well. Once when, as may happen to anyone,
I could see no way out of my business problems and all that
they involved, and was ready to let everything go, and in
this mood was lying in my rocking chair in my room, the beast
on my knees, I happened to glance down and saw tears dropping
from its huge whiskers. Were they mine, or were they the animal's?
Had this cat, along with the soul of a lamb, the ambitions
of a human being? I did not inherit much from my father, but
this legacy is quite remarkable.
It has
the restlessness of both beasts, that of the cat and that
of the lamb, diverse as they are. For that reason its skin
feels too tight for it. Sometimes it jumps up on the armchair
beside me, plants its front legs on my shoulder, and puts
its muzzle to my ear. It is as if it were saying something
to me, and as a matter of fact it turns its head afterwards
and gazes in my face to see the impression its communication
has made. And to oblige it I behave as if I had understood,
and nod. Then it jumps to the floor and dances about with
joy.
Perhaps
the knife of the butcher would be a release for this animal;
but as it is a legacy I must deny it that. So it must wait
until the breath voluntarily leaves its body, even though
it sometimes gazes at me with a look of human understanding,
challenging me to do the right thing of which both of us are
thinking.
Ce
qu'on fait n'est jamais compris mais seulement loué ou blâmé.
Nietzsche, Gay Science |
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