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Existentialism
Woody Allen (1935)
Manhattan Murder Mystery (7)
I love the rain, It washes the memories off the sidewalk of life
(Play it agqain,Sam)
Woody Allen
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You think you're God! (audio)

CAROL: Uh...
LARRY: Listen to this.
CAROL: I'm listening.
LARRY: And we edit it up. We edit the tape recording up, and we make one end of a phone call... and we play it into the phone to Mr. House.
TED: This is in the book?

LARRY: This is perfect, list...
CAROL: Oh, come on. No, that could never, ever work, in a million years. You don't know what he's going to say. What's he gonna say?
MARCIA: In the book, they use several tape recorders.
CAROL: In the book?
MARCIA: We coordinate it.
LARRY: It's coordinated.
CAROL: In the book. You mean, you're basing your plan on some dumb paperback?
LARRY: This is great. This is great.
CAROL: I s... No, really.
LARRY: I like... No, it's great.
CAROL: Oh.
MARCIA: He's gotten away with murder. Our only chance is to nab him as he tries to kill again, cover his tracks.
LARRY: It's great. What happens, is... it provokes him to kill again. They catch him the second time.
MARCIA: Exactly. He's gotten away with the first murder.
LARRY: You know what I'm thinking, though?
MARCIA: What?
LARRY: Actually, in the book what happens is, now that I think of it, he... he kills the... the two people that are working the scheme on him.
TED: Yeah, that's all right.
CAROL: But...
TED: But you're not worried about that.
LARRY; Um, well, I don't know.
MARCIA: It's perfect.
LARRY: Either that, or I've... I've just developed Parkinson's.
TED: No, we can handle him. We can handle him. Listen, this is incredible. This is an incredible idea.
MARCIA: It's perfect. It's perfect. He knows you're onto him. You shake him down.
CAROL: No, no.
MARCIA: He comes after you, we nab him.
TED: That's great. It's great. You're wonderful. I just... I'm amazed.
MARCIA: Yeah.
CAROL: I... I just...
MARCIA: It's either that, or he walks.
CAROL: Yeah. Yeah, wait. I... So, what you're saying is...
TED: This is great.
CAROL: Wait, no, okay... What you're saying... Oh boy. You're saying, you want to provoke Mr. House into trying to murder Larry and me.
MARCIA: Yeah. It's perfect. You're not scared, are you?
LARRY: No, no, no, no, no, I'm not scared. I'm not scared. I'm just turning it over in my mind. I just want to check with my clergyman before we
commit.

[Helen is making a phone call from a booth]
HELEN: Hi, uh, B-twenty-four messages? Oh, really? Audition for what? Did he say? Okay, okay. Wait, hold on. Let me get a pencil. Okay.

[In the theatre]
AUDITIONER: Yeah, well, Dad, you know, I've heard just about enough of this.
TED: Good, that's great. Thank you, Suzanne. Thank you.
MARCIA: We'll let you know. That's Suzanne Raphael, right?
TED: Yeah. Good, thank you.
LARRY: This is Helen Moss.
HELEN: Hi, there.
CAROL: Hi, there.
MARCIA: Hi.
HELEN: Hi.
TED: Uh, have you, uh... I know, I know you just got the material, uh, you know, just in the... last little while, but... uh, h-have you had a chance to-to
study it? To go over it, a little bit?
HELEN: Yes, yes. Uh, I have, but, um, I have just a few questions.
TED: Sure , yeah.
HELEN: Is she divorced, in this?
TED: Uh, yes. Yes.
HELEN: Uh, recently?
TED: Yes. Yeah. But she's, uh, very, highly emotional.
HELEN: Yeah.
TED: You know really... uh, lot of... Lot of feeling. Very strong.
HELEN: Oh.
TED: Hm?
HELEN: Should I just begin?
TED: Yeah, just... Whenever, you know, whenever you feel it. Whenever you feel into it.
HELEN: Yeah, okay. Hello, Joe? I-I was just... I...
TED: Uh, let me stop you right there. I'm sorry, I... uh, if you'll be... if you'll start out more frightened... then that'll take you where you're gonna go.
HELEN: Right, right. Hello, Joe? I can't talk much, now, and if I sound strange, don't get alarmed. Give me your hand. Hold on. Try not to fall. Hold on.
LARRY: I'm trying, I'm trying.
HELEN: Quickly! Hurry! They're asking two hundred thousand dollars for it. Yeah. They say it's Monet, but I say it's a fake. Ever since Joe came home
from Vietnam, he's cast a pall on everything. A dark cloud, a pall.

[They are editing up the tape recording]
HELEN'S VOICE: Hello, Joe? ? I can't talk much, right now, and if I sound strange, don't get alarmed. Hello, Joe? I can't talk much right now. Hello,
Joe? Ever since Joe came back from Vietnam, he's cast a pall on everything. A dark cloud, a pall. A pall. Pall. Pall. Hello, Joe?
TED: It's so...
HELEN'S VOICE: Hello, Paul? I can't talk much, right now, and if I sound strange, don't get alarmed.
MARCIA: Perfect.
TED: That's great.
MARCIA: You did great. Great.
CAROL: Well, yeah, it's, excuse me, hey, don't worry, yeah, okay.
MARCIA: Fantastic.

[Marcia and Ted are driving to spot Helen]
MARCIA: There she is.
TED: Where?
MARCIA: You have to keep her busy for all afternoon.
TED: Yeah, yeah, okay. Okay, yeah. Yeah, I'll-I'll just keep improvising, you know?
MARCIA: Okay, well, it shouldn't be too hard. She's a hungry actress, you're a playwright with a role.
TED: You know what? I'll g... I'll talk about the play, or, get her, get her talking about the part, you know, her life. I'll get her talking about her life, and
her whole background. Stop the car, I'm gonna get out here.
MARCIA: Good. We'll hook up later, okay?
TED: All right. Good - Good luck with your assignment. Ok?
MARCIA: All right, you too.

[The company is about to call up Mr. House]
MARILYN: Listen, does anybody want some, a guacamole or anything?
SY: Would you stop with the guacamole? We have to get started with this.
LARRY: He should be back for lunch, right?
SY: Come on, let's go.
MARILYN: Yeah. All right, let's go.
LARRY: So, everybody's got the right tape recorder and the right tape in?
SY: Yes, we do.
MARCIA: Yeah.
LARRY: All right, one second. And then we ca... I mea... so, uh, we're on speaker.
CAROL: This is so insane.
LARRY: Now wait, wait, wait. There's, um... I'm not nervous.
CAROL: Oh, w...
PAUL: I have the contractor come in and nobody's here? Now you see if you can find... I'll get that. Uh, you go and call him.
GLADYS: Oh. Yes, yes, all right.
PAUL: Hallo?
HELEN'S VOICE: Hello, Paul. I can't talk much right now. And if I sound strange, don't get alarmed.
PAUL: What's the problem?
HELEN'S VOICE: They have your wife's body. They showed it to me.
PAUL: Say that again.
HELEN'S VOICE: They have your wife's body. They showed it to me.
PAUL: Exactly who has it? How many are there?
HELEN'S VOICE: Your neighbors. That's right. They want two hundred thousand dollars for it.
PAUL: Where are you calling from? There's an echo. Are you on a speaker phone?
HELEN'S VOICE: Hold on.
LARRY: We don't have an answer for that. What are we gonna do?
MARCIA: Go to a different thought.
CAROL: Mm. Mm. What thought? Wait.
HELEN'S VOICE: You've either got to pay them off, or get rid of them.
PAUL: Look, we can't talk about this on the phone. Can you meet me?
HELEN'S VOICE: Yes! They're keeping it refrigerated.
PAUL: What? What did you say?
HELEN'S VOICE: About two hours ago.
PAUL: Two... what? Two hours what?
HELEN'S VOICE: Hold on.
LARRY: Jesus... we're all screwed up. I got this all screwed up.
MARCIA: Okay, let's get off as quick as possible. We've done it.
SY: All right, well, do something. Do something.
MARCIA: Um, okay.
HELEN'S VOICE: Hello, Paul. I can't talk much right now. And if I sound strange, don't get alarmed.
PAUL: Look, Helen, you're not making any sense. I know you're upset, but you have to pull yourself together. Now, could we meet? The usual spot.
HELEN'S VOICE: Hold on.
PAUL: Helen? Helen, you still there? Helen?
MARCIA: Okay, hurry up, hurry up. Okay.
LARRY: Somebody press something, come on.
CAROL: What?
LARRY: You can't press some... Come on.
HELEN'S VOICE: You have no choice, they've got the goods. You just pay them off, or get rid of them. I have to hang up.
GLADYS: What's the matter, Paul? You look all shaken up.
PAUL: No, no. It's nothing.
GLADYS: I worry about you these days, Paul.
PAUL: I'm fine, I'm fine.
GLADYS: You're different.
PAUL: I said I was fine. Will you stop interfering?
GLADYS: You never used to pull away from me.
PAUL: I told you to leave me alone! I don't want to have this conversation all the time!

[In the street]
LARRY: Great. All right. Now, my job is to wait exactly one hour and call Mr. House from a phone booth. Where are you... Where are you running so
fast?
CAROL: I have to go home and change. I've got an appointment with a friend of Ted's about a location for... What?
LARRY: What's the matter? What are you so angry about? What are you so... What are you so steamed up about?
CAROL: What do you mean? Well, I meant... I just don't understand how you could give a book to Marcia, and not to me.
LARRY: What are you talking about?
CAROL: I just don't need...
LARRY: We had just a big success in there.
CAROL :What...
LARRY: Marcia likes to read what I like to read.
CAROL: Oh, right, God. Yeah, well it's true. I guess it's true. I mean, we've got nothing in common, that's for sure. Now that, now that Nick's grown up,
I mean, you know, we're just left facing each other.
LARRY: You got stuff in common with Ted, right? You can cook together with Ted, or you can take your clothes off and baste a chicken with him.
CAROL: Oh, right. Oh, oh, well, what about you and Marcia, huh? What does she teach you besides poker? That's what I'd like to know, okay?
LARRY: Mud wrestling. Is that what you want to hear? Nothing, I'm her editor.
CAROL: Look, I think the time has come for us to reevaluate our lives.
LARRY: I reevaluated our lives.
CAROL: Yeah.
LARRY: I... I... I got a ten. You got a six.
CAROL: Well, listen, I think maybe I will go back to seeing my shrink.
LARRY: Oh. You don't have to see your shrink. There's nothing wrong with you that can't be cured with a little Prozac and a polo mallet.
CAROL: Just... I just would like to be alone for a while, okay, Larry?
LARRY: What are you talk...
CAROL: Just... just, I... I... Uh, okay?

[Ted and Helen Moss during their conversation after the audiotaping]
HELEN: So, I have this, like, really crazy father and everything.
TED: Oh, yeah?
HELEN: And, yeah. He's wanted, like, in three states. He has a terrible driving record. So we had to move from Virginia then to New Jersey, and...
TED: So, your father is wanted in three states for driving? Really?
HELEN: Yeah, for driving. Yeah. So I moved to Hackensack, and then... Well, anyway, I was in all these different contests and I was even, uh, Miss, uh,
Teenage Passaic.
TED: Oh, how wonderful.
[Meanwhile, Carol is back home, where Paul is waiting for her]
TED: Was that before or after the fourth abortion?
HELEN: Well, after the fourth, but before the drama prize.
TED: The drama prize?
HELEN: And... Mm... hm.
TED: I don't remember the...
HELEN: Remember? Remember?
TED: What?
HELEN: “Out, out, damn spot?” The topless “Macbeth?”.
TED: Oh, yeah. Oh, for the fraternity party, yeah, yeah.
HELEN: Yeah, yeah.
TED: Topless “Macbeth”. I don't... How could I forget that? It's just...

[Larry calls Mr. House from a phone booth]
LARRY: Hallo, Mr. House? This is Larry Lipton. I... I got a... a package I think you're gonna want. Of course it's gonna cost you, uh, $200,000 in... in
small, unmarked bills. Or... or... or large marked ones, if... if... if you want to go that route.
PAUL: And I have a package you might want, Mr. Lipton. If you ever wanna see your wife alive again, you'll do as I say.
LARRY: Oh, really? Well, I think you're bluffing. Yeah, don't... don't ever try and bluff a bluffer. Yeah, if... if you got Carol, put her on the phone.
CAROL: Larry, Larry, help me! I'm here, Larry!
LARRY: Oh, my... Oh, my God. D... Don't hurt her!
PAUL: I'll tell you exactly where to meet me, and you bring that package I want. Now, once I have it and I'm safely gone, you'll get your wife back.
Otherwise, I'll kill her.
LARRY: Yes, yes. Yeah, no, no, no, no. I... I... I understand. I, uh, yes, no. I'll be there. I'll be there. I... I... Yes, I'll b... I... I'll bring your wife's body,
she... In... in... in the trunk of my car. Yes, I'll... I... I promise. I'll be there. I... [Larry hangs up] I don't have his wife's body. Bluff, bluff.

[Larry and Paul meet at the movie house]
LARRY: Where's Carol?
PAUL: First show me Lillian's body.
LARRY: I... I got it.
PAUL: There's no way she could have survived that vat of molten steel.
LARRY: No, no, I... I... I got...
PAUL: If you're not bluffing, where is she?
LARRY: Why are you so nervous? What are you so nervous about?
PAUL: Where?
LARRY: If I don't have her, what are you so nervous?
PAUL: Where is she?
LARRY: I got her in the trunk of my car.
PAUL: Open it. Come on, now.
LARRY: I... I got her.
PAUL: If she's not there, I'll put a bullet through your head. Now, open it!

LARRY: I... I...
PAUL: Come on! Come on! [Larry opens the trunk] Step back!
LARRY: No, no, I got her. See, if I don't have her, how come I got her ring? I got her ring, there. This is... This is her ring.
PAUL: I think you're lying!
LARRY: It's a... No, no, no, no. Uh.
PAUL: What is this? What is this?
LARRY: I could never bluff.
PAUL: What?
LARRY: I... I... I've lost a fortune in cards over the years.
PAUL: Listen to me.
LARRY: I'm not a bluffer.
PAUL: I'm going to put a... Get a... [They start fighting]
FROM The lady from Shanghai: “That's what Grisby thought. But, of course, she meant to kill Grisby, too. After he'd served his purpose. Poor howling
idiot. He never even did that. He went and shot Broome. And that was not part of the plan. Broome might have got to the police before he died. And
if the cops traced it to Grisby... and the cops made Grisby talk, he'd spill everything. And she'd be finished, so she had to shut up Grisby but quick.
And I was the fall guy. Why don't you try to understand? He was mad. He had to be shot. And what about me? We could have gone off together.
One who follows his nature, keeps his original nature in the end.”
LARRY: Help! Help!
PAUL: They can't see us behind the screen, and they can't hear us with the sound on. Not even a gunshot.
FROM The lady from Shanghai: “I knew I'd find you two together.”
GLADYS: Hallo, Paul. Didn't you expect me?
PAUL: Mrs. Dalton.
GLADYS: You made a lot of promises to me, over the years. And then, you decided to dump me for that young model.
PAUL: I never led you on.
GLADYS: It's late for excuses.
PAUL: None of you can prove anything.
FROM The lady from Shanghai: "So you'd be foolish to fire that gun." "With these mirrors, it's difficult to tell. You are aiming at me, aren't you?
LARRY: Carol? Carol? Carol?
GLADYS: I'm aiming at you, lover. Of course, killing you is killing myself.
FROM The lady from Shanghai: “It's the same thing.”
GLADYS: But you know, I'm pretty tired of both of us.
LARRY: God! Are you okay? Are you okay?
CAROL: Oh, God, Larry! Oh, Larry, I'm so happy to see you!
LARRY: Jesus, I was, I was never so glad to see somebody in my life. Are you all right?
CAROL: Yes, I'm all right.
LARRY: You don't know what's going on out there. I'll never say that life doesn't imitate art again. I'm... I'm... Oh, J.
CAROL: We... we gotta call the police, Larry.
LARRY: Yes, and... and... and... a glazier.
CAROL: I know. Oh, God.
LARRY: Quick, quick. Dial, dial, dial.
CAROL: Larry. Oh, God, Larry. Oh, God. Oh, honey. Oh, God. Ow! Ow! Oh, God! Jesus!
LARRY: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, wife mine.
CAROL: Hello?
LARRY: Wife mine.
CAROL: Oh, God.

[Ted and Marcia are leaving the police headquarters]
TED: God, it's... it's so complicated. I can't... Can't keep track of it all.
MARCIA: Oh, listen. I'll give it to you one more time. Mrs. House had a sister who moved to England many years ago. She changed her name when she
married. Her husband died. She moved back to New York recently, a very, very rich widow... but a recluse. Mr. and Mrs. House knew they weren't
in her will. They have her over to dinner, she accidentally keels over. I guessed right there. She has a reasonable resemblance to her sister, so they
fake it... Pretend Lillian House died. They cremate the sister. Lillian checks into a fleabag joint... and for several weeks she pretends to be her
sister... closing her accounts, liquidating her assets, accumulating big money. What she didn't realize was that her husband was two-timing her with
Helen Moss, this pretty model. So, he decides not to cut her in and go off to... I don't know... With his mistress and, uh, keep all the dough. So, he
kills Lillian. He cremates her, or pours molten steel all over her or something... and, uh, that's when we came along and tripped him up.
TED: He had some great alibis.
MARCIA: Yeah, that woman that worked for him?
TED: Yeah.
MARCIA: Mrs. Dalton? She covered for him. She loved him. Not that she dreamed he was a murderer.
TED: What do you... What do you... I want, I want to celebrate, or something. What do you wanna do? You wanna... Wanna go see what, uh, what Larry
and Carol are up to?
MARCIA: I think they wanna be alone.
TED: Oh, yeah. Uh, okay. All right. Uh, well, you have any plans?
MARCIA: You're taking me to dinner, right?
TED: Yeah, right. Absolutely. Only we can't sleep together.
MARCIA: Why not?
TED: Not... not tonight.
MARCIA: Why not?
TED: Well, I already slept with Helen Moss once today, and I'm not young and active like I used to be.
MARCIA: You'll do anything to catch a murderer, won't you?

[Larry and Carol are in the street going home]
LARRY: What an experience.
CAROL: Oh. I know.
LARRY: I'm... I'm still vibrating.
CAROL: I know.
LARRY: Incredible.
CAROL: Oh, you know, Larry, you were surprisingly brave.
LARRY: What do you mean surprisingly?
CAROL: Yeah.
LARRY: You seem shocked.
CAROL: Well...
LARRY: You know, I'm a pretty good guy, you know.
CAROL: Well, you know... Yeah, I know, uh...
LARRY: Where do you wanna go for dinner tonight? Let's not go to any restaurant where they serve cowards.
CAROL: I don't know.
LARRY: I... What are you laughing at?
CAROL: You know, Larry, I love you. I love you.
LARRY: How could you have ever been jealous of Marcia? Isn't that ridiculous? Don't you know that I could only love you?
CAROL: You were jealous of Ted.
LARRY: Ted?
CAROL: Yeah.
LARRY: You've got to be kidding. Take away his-his-his elevator shoes and his fake suntan and his capped teeth... and what do you have?
CAROL: You.
LARRY: Right. I like that.
CAROL: I...

THE END



Ce qu'on fait n'est jamais compris mais seulement loué ou blâmé. Nietzsche, Gay Science

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