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Existentialism
Woody Allen (1935)
Annie Hall (7)
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I love the rain, It washes the memories off the sidewalk
of life
(Play it agqain,Sam) |
ALVY
I can't get with any religion that
advertises in Popular Mechanics. Look-
(The Maharisbi, a small, chunky
man, walks out of the men's room,
huge bodyguards flanking him while
policemen bold back the crowds)
there's God coming
outta the men's room.
REPORTER
It's unbelievably trans-plendid! I was
at the Stones concert in Altamount when
they killed that guy, remember?
ALVY
Yeah, were yuh? I was-I was at an Alice
Cooper thing where six people were rushed
to the hospital with bad vibes.
INT. ALVY'S BEDROOM-NIGHT
The reporter is sitting up in bed, lighted cigarette in her hand. Alvy, lying
next to her, rubs his eyes and puts on his eyeglasses.
REPORTER
(Looking down at him)
I hope you don't mind that I took so long
to finish.
ALVY
(Sighing)
Oh, no, no, don't be ... tsch ... don't
be silly. You know,
(Yawning)
I'm startin' it-I'm startin' to get some
feeling back in my jaw now.
REPORTER
Oh, sex with you is really a kafkaesque
experience.
ALVY
Oh, tsch, thank you. H'm.
REPORTER
I mean that as a compliment.
ALVY
(Making sounds)
I think-I think there's too much burden
placed on the orgasm, you know, to make
up for empty areas in life.
REPORTER
Who said that?
ALVY
(Rubbing his chin and shoulder)
Uh, oh, I don't know. It might have
been Leopold and Loeb.
(The telephone rings. Alvy picks
it up, rising up slightly from the
bed, concerned, as he talks)
Hello. Oh, hi ... Uh, no, what-what's
the matter? What-what-what? You sound
terrible ... No, what- Sure I- Whatta yuh
-what kind of an emergency? ... No, well,
stay there. Stay there, I'll come over
right now. I'll come over right now. Just
stay there, I'll come right over.
He hangs up. The reporter sits in bed still, taking in the situation.
INT. ANNIE'S APARTMENT HALLWAY
Annie, looking slightly distraught, goes to open the door to Alvy's knock.
ALVY
What's- It's me, open up.
ANNIE
(Opening the door)
Oh.
ALVY
Are you okay? What's the matter?
(They look at each other, Annie
sighing)
Are you all right? What-
ANNIE
There's a spider in the bathroom.
ALVY
(Reacting)
What?
ANNIE
There's a big black spider in the bathroom.
ALVY
That's what you got me here for at three
o'clock in the morning, 'cause there's a
spider in the bathroom?
ANNIE
My God, I mean, you know how I am about
insects.
ALVY
(Interrupting, sighing)
Oooh.
ANNIE
-I can't sleep with a live thing crawling
around in the bathroom.
ALVY
Kill it! For Go- What's wrong with you?
Don't you have a can of Raid in the house?
ANNIE
(Shaking her head)
No.
Alvy, disgusted, starts waving his hands and starts to move into the living
room.
ALVY
(Sighing)
I told you a thousand times you should
always keep, uh, a lotta insect spray.
You never know who's gonna crawl over.
ANNIE
(Following him)
I know, I know, and a first-aid kit and
a fire extinguisher.
ALVY
Jesus. All right, gimme a magazine.
I- 'cause I'm a little tired.
(While Annie goes of to find
him a magazine, Alvy, still
talking, glances around the
apartment. He notices a small
book on a cabinet and picks it up.)
You know, you, you joke with-about me,
you make fun of me, but I'm prepared for
anything. An emergency, a tidal wave,
an earthquake. Hey, what is this?
What? Did you go to a rock concert?
ANNIE
Yeah.
ALVY
Oh, yeah, really? Really? How-how'd
you like it? Was it-was it, I mean,
did it ... was it heavy? Did it achieve
total heavy-ocity? Or was it, uh...
ANNIE
It was just great!
ALVY
(Thumbing through the book)
Oh, humdinger. When- Well, I got a
wonderful idea. Why don'tcha get the
guy who took you to the rock concert,
we'll call him and he can come over and
kill the spider. You know, it's a-
He tosses the book down on the cabinet.
ANNIE
I called you; you wanna help me ... or
not? H'h? Here.
She hands him a magazine.
ALVY
(Looking down at the magazine)
What is this? What are you, since
when do you read the "National Review"?
What are you turning in to?
ANNIE
(Turning to a nearby chair for
some gum in her pocketbook)
Well, I like to try to get all points
of view.
ALVY
It's wonderful. Then why don'tcha get
William F. Buckley to kill the spider?
ANNIE
(Spinning around to face him)
Alvy, you're a little hostile, you
know that? Not only that, you look
thin and tired.
She puts a piece of gum in her mouth.
ALVY
Well, I was in be- It's three o'clock
in the morning. You, uh, you got me
outta bed, I ran over here, I couldn't
get a taxi cab. You said it was an
emergency, and I didn't ge- I ran up
the stairs. Hell - I was a lot more
attractive when the evening began.
Look, uh, tell- Whatta you- Are you
going with a right-wing rock-and roll
star? Is that possible?
ANNIE
(Sitting down on a chair arm
and looking up at Alvy)
Would you like a glass of chocolate milk?
ALVY
Hey, what am I-your son? Whatta you mean?
I-I came over TV --_
ANNIE
(Touching his chest with her hand)
I got the good chocolate, Alvy.
ALVY
Yeah, where is the spider?
ANNIE
It really is lovely. It's in the bathroom.
ALVY
Is he in the bathroom?
ANNIE
(Rising from chair)
Hey, don't squish it, and after it's
dead, flush it down the toilet, okay?
And flush it a couple o' times.
ALVY
(Moving down the hallway to
the bathroom)
Darling, darling, I've been killing
spiders since I was thirty, okay?
ANNIE
(Upset, hands on her neck)
Oh. What?
ALVY
(Coming back into the living room)
Very big spider.
ANNIE
Yeah?
ALVY
Two ... Yeah. Lotta, lotta trouble.
There's two of 'em.
Alvy starts walking down the ball again, Annie following.
ANNIE
Two?
ALVY
(Opening a closet door)
Yep. I didn't think it was that big,
but it's a major spider. You got a
broom or something with a-
ANNIE
Oh, I-I left it at your house.
ALVY
(Overlapping)
-snow shovel or anything or something.
ANNIE
(Overlapping)
I think I left it there, I'm sorry.
Reaching up into the closet, Alvy takes out a covered tennis racquet.
ALVY
(Holding the racquet)
Okay, let me have this.
ANNIE
Well, what are you doing ... what are
you doing with-
ALVY
Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom
the size of a Buick.
He walks into the bathroom, Annie looking after him.
ANNIE
Well, okay. Oooh.
Alvy stands in the middle of the bathroom, tennis racquet in one band, rolled
magazine in the other. He looks over at the shelf above the sink and picks up
a small container. He holds it out, shouting off screen to Annie.
ALVY
Hey, what is this? You got black soap?
ANNIE
(Off screen)
It's for my complexion.
ALVY
Whatta-whatta yuh joining a minstrel show?
Geez.
(Alvy turns and starts swapping
the racquet over the shelf, knocking
down articles and breaking glass)
Don't worry!
(He continues to swat the racquet
all over the bathroom. He finally
moves out of the room, hands close
to his body. He walks into the
other room, where Annie is sitting
in a corner of her bed leaning against
the wall)
I did it! I killed them both. What-what's
the matter? Whatta you-
(Annie is sobbing, her band over
her face)
-whatta you sad about? You- What'd you
want me to do? Capture 'em and rehabilitate
'em?
ANNIE
(Sobbing and taking Alvy's arm)
Oh, don't go, okay? Please.
ALVY
(Sitting down next to her)
Whatta you mean, don't go? Whatta-whatta
-what's the matter? Whatta you expecting
-termites? What's the matter?
ANNIE
(Sobbing)
Oh, uh, I don't know. I miss you. Tsch.
She beats her fist on the bed. Reacting, Alvy puts his arm around her shoulder
and leans back against the wall.
ALVY
Oh, Jesus, really?
ANNIE
(Leaning on his shoulder)
Oh, yeah. Oh.
(They kiss)
Oh! Alvy?
ALVY
What?
He touches her face gently as she wipes tears from her face.
ANNIE
Was there somebody in your room when
I called you?
ALVY
W-w-whatta you mean?
ANNIE
I mean was there another- I thought I
heard a voice.
ALVY
Oh, I had the radio on.
ANNIE
Yeah?
ALVY
I'm sorry. I had the television set
... I had the television-
ANNIE
Yeah.
Alvy pulls her to him and they kiss again.
CUT TO:
INT. ALVY'S BED
Alvy is lying in bed next to Annie, who is leaning on her elbow looking down
at him. He rubs her arms and she smiles.
ANNIE
Alvy, let's never break up again. I don't
wanna be apart.
ALVY
Oh, no, no, I think we're both much too
mature for something like that.
ANNIE
Living together hasn't been so bad, has it?
ALVY
It's all right for me, it's been terrific,
you know? Better than either one of my
marriages. See, 'cause. . . 'cause there's
just something different about you. I
don't know what it is, but it's great.
ANNIE
(Snickering)
You know I think that if you let me, maybe
I could help you have more fun, you know?
I mean, I know it's hard and ... Yeah.
ALVY
I don't know.
ANNIE
Alvy, what about ... what if we go away
this weekend, and we could-
ALVY
Tsch, why don't we get ... why don't
we get Rob, and the three of us'll
drive into Brooklyn, you know, and
we show you the old neighborhood.
ANNIE
Okay, okay. Okay.
ALVY
That'd be fun for yuh. Don't you think-
ANNIE
Yeah.
Alvy raises up his head and they kiss.
EXT. HIGHWAY
Annie is behind the wheel in her VW, Rob is beside her, Alvy in the back seat
leaning forward so that his head is between them. They're driving down the
highway.
ANNIE
-me, my God, it's a great day!
ALVY
(Interrupting)
Hey, can yuh watch the road? Watch the --
ROB
(Overlapping)
Yeah, watch the road!
ALVY
You'll total the whole car.
ANNIE
(Laughing)
Hey, you know, I never even visited
Brooklyn before.
ROB
I can't wait to see the old neighborhood.
ALVY
Yeah, the neighborhood's gonna be great.
ROB
We can show her the schoolyard.
ALVY
Right. I was a great athlete. Tell
her, Max, I was the best, I was all
schoolyard.
ROB
Yes, I remember.
(Annie laughs)
He was all schoolyard. They threw him
a football once, he tried to dribble it.
ALVY
Yeah, well, I used to lose my glasses a lot.
EXT. AMUSEMENT
PARK.
Alvy Annie and Rob move toward the roller coaster on the screen. The area's
deserted. Sea gulls are heard.
ALVY
Oh, look, look, there's that ... that's
-that's my old house. That's where I
used to live.
ANNIE
(Laughing)
Holy cow!
ROB
You're lucky, Max-where I used to live
is now a pornographic equipment store.
Annie laughs.
ALVY
I have some very good memories there.
ROB
What kind of good memories, Max?
Your mother and father fighting all
the time.
ALVY
Yeah, and always over the most
ridiculous things.
FLASHBACK - INT. ALVY'S HOUSE.
Alvy's father sits in his chair. His mother is polishing a door while Alvy
lies on the floor playing. Annie, adult Alvy and Rob quietly walk into the
scene to watch.
ALVY'S FATHER
You fired the cleaning woman?
ALVY'S MOTHER
She was stealing.
ALVY'S FATHER
But she's colored.
ALVY'S MOTHER
SO?
ALVY'S FATHER
So the colored have enough trouble.
ALVY'S MOTHER
She was going through my pocketbook!
ALVY'S FATHER
They're persecuted enough!
ALVY'S MOTHER
Who's persecuting? She stole!
Alvy's father gets up and gets his hard hat. He sits back down and starts
polishing it.
ALVY'S FATHER
All right-so we can afford it.
ALVY'S MOTHER
How can we afford it? On your pay?
What if she steals more?
ALVY'S FATHER
She's a colored woman, from Harlem!
She has no money! She's got a right
to steal from us! After all, who is
she gonna steal from if not us?
ADULT ALVY
(Yelling into the scene)
You're both crazy!
ROB
They can't hear you, Max.
ALVY'S MOTHER
Leo ... I married a fool!
ROB
(Pointing)
Hey, Max! Who's that?
As the three friends watch Alvy's old living room, the scene has suddenly
shifted. A huge crowd stands around the room, laughing, eating, chatting and
vibrating with the turns of the roller-coaster ride.
ALVY
It-it-it's the welcome-home party
in nineteen forty-five, for my cousin
Herbie.
ADULT ALVY
(Pointing)
Look, look, there's-there's that one
over there, that's Joey Nichols, he
was my-
(Young Alvy stands next to Joey
Nichols, who's sitting in one of
the easy chairs. They smile at
each other; people and noise all
around)
-father's friend. He was always bothering
me when I was a kid.
JOEY
Joey Nichols.
(Laughing)
See. Nichols. See, Nichols!
(Joey shows young Alvy his cuff
links and a tie pin, which are
made from nickels, as Alvy stands
with hands on hips, unconcerned.
Joey then slaps his band to his
forehead and puts a nickel on
his forehead)
Yuh see, nickels! You can always
remember my name, just think of Joey
Five Cents.
(Laughing)
That's me. Joey Five Cents!
Joey grabs Alvy's cheeks and pinches them.
YOUNG ALVY
(Turning away)
What an asshole!
A group of women stands near a buffet table eating and listening to Alvy
mother and her sister, Tessie, and a young girl, as the three friends watch.
ALVY'S MOTHER
I was always the sister with good common
sense. But Tessie was always the one
with personality. When she was younger,
they all wanted to marry Tessie.
She touches Tessie's shoulder. Tessie starts to laugh.
ADULT ALVY
(Pointing, to Rob)
Do you believe that, Max? Tessie
Moskowitz had the personality. She's
the life of the ghetto, no doubt.
ALVY'S MOTHER
(To the young girl)
She was once a great beauty.
Tessie nods her
head "yes."
ROB
Tessie, they say you were the sister
with personality.
TESSIE
(Addressing the young girl)
I was a great beauty.
ROB
Uh, how did this personality come about?
TESSIE
(Grabbing the young girl's cheek)
I was very charming.
ROB
There were many men interested in you?
TESSIE
(To the young girl)
Oh, I was quite a lively dancer.
Tessie gyrates back and forth imitating a dancer while Annie and the adult
Alvy lean on each other laughing.
ROB
(Laughing)
That's pretty hard to believe.
EXT. STREET.
Alvy and Annie walk contentedly down a street; Alvy's arm is draped around
Annie. People walk by them on the street as they move toward their apartment
building.
ANNIE
Well, I had a really good day, you know
that? It was just a real fine way to
spend my birthday.
ALVY
Ah? Oh, well, your birthday's not till
tomorrow, honey, I hate to tell yuh.
ANNIE
Yeah, but it's real close.
ALVY
Yeah, but no presents till midnight.
ANNIE
(Laughing)
Oh, darn it.
Ce
qu'on fait n'est jamais compris mais seulement loué ou blâmé.
Nietzsche, Gay Science |
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