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Existentialism
Woody Allen (1935)
Annie Hall (6)
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I love the rain, It washes the memories off the sidewalk
of life
(Play it agqain,Sam) |
INT.
BACKSTAGE OF THEATER.
Students mill around Alvy banding him pens and paper for autographs.
Annie is next to him, talking over the chattering fans.
ANNIE
Alvy, you were ... Alvy, you were just
great, I'm not kidding. It was- You
were so neat.
ALVY
C-c-coll- College audiences are so wonderful.
ANNIE
Yeah. Yeah. And you know something?
I think that I'm starting to get more
of your references, too.
ALVY
Are yuh?
ANNIE
Yeah.
ALVY
Well, the twelve o'clock show is
completely different than the nine.
YOUNG WOMAN
(Interrupting)
May I have your autograph?
ANNIE
(Over lapping above speech)
Oh.
ALVY
(To Annie, while autographing)
You're so sure about it.
ANNIE
Oh, I'm really, uh, looking forward to
tomorrow. I mean, you know, I think that
it'll be really nice to meet Mother and
Father.
They start moving toward the exit, a girl snapping a picture
of Alvy with a
flash camera as they walk through the crowd.
ALVY
Yeah, I know, they'll hate me immediately.
(To one of his fans)
Thank you.
ANNIE
No, I don't think so. No, I don't think
they're gonna hate you at all. On the
contrary, I think-
ALVY
Yeah.
ANNIE
It's Easter. You know, we'll have a nice
dinner, we'll sit down and eat. I think
they're gonna really like you.
EXT. ANNIE'S PARENTS' HOME-DAY
The camera shows a neat two-story house surrounded by a well-manicured
green
lawn, then cuts to:
INT. DINING ROOM.
Alvy and the Halls are eating Easter dinner. The sun is pouring
through a big
picture window, shining on a large, elegantly laid out table.
Alvy sits, at one
end,- rubbing his nose and chewing, the Halls flanking him
on either side: Mr.
and Mrs. Hall, Grammy, and Annie's brother, Duane.
MOM HALL
(Holding her wine glass)
It's a nice ham this year, Mom.
Grammy Hall takes a sip of her wine and nods.
ANNIE
(Smiling at Duane)
Oh, yeah. Grammy always does such
a good job.
DAD HALL
(Chewing)
A great sauce.
ALVY
It is.
(Smacking his lips)
It's dynamite ham.
Grammy Hall stares down the table at Alvy; a look of utter
dislike. Alvy tries
not to notice.
MOM HALL
(To Dad Hall, smoothing her hair)
We went over to the swap meet. Annie,
Gram and I. Got some nice picture frames.
ANNIE
We really had a good time.
Grammy continues to stare at Alvy; he is now dressed in the
long black coat and
hat of the Orthodox Jew, complete with mustache and heard.
MOM HALL
(Lighting a cigarette and turning
to Alvy)
Ann tells us that you've been seeing a
psychiatrist for fifteen years.
ALVY
(Setting down his glass and coughing)
Yes. I'm making excellent progress.
Pretty soon when I lie down on his couch,
I won't have to wear the lobster bib.
Mom Hall reacts by sipping from her glass and frowning. Grammy
continues to
stare.
DAD HALL
Duane and I went out to the boat basin.
DUANE
We were caulkin' holes all day.
DAD HALL
Yeah.
(Laughing)
Randolph Hunt was drunk, as usual.
MOM HALL
Oh, that Randolph Hunt. You remember
Randy Hunt, Annie. He was in the choir
with you.
ANNIE
Oh, yes, yes.
Alvy, leaning his elbow on the table, looks out toward the
camera.
ALVY
(To the audience)
I can't believe this family.
(Making chewing sounds)
Annie's mother. She really's beautiful.
And they're talkin' swap meets and boat
basins, and the old lady at the end of
the table
(Pointing to Grammy)
is a classic Jew hater. And, uh, they,
they realty look American, you know,
very healthy and ... like they never
get sick or anything. Nothing like my
family. You know, the two are like oil
and water.
The screen splits in half - on the right is Alvy's family
- his mother, father,
aunt and uncle-busily eating at the crowded kitchen table.
They eat quickly
and interrupt one another loudly. On the left the Halls in
their dining room.
Both dialogues overlap, juxtaposed.
ALVY'S FATHER
Let 'im drop dead! Who needs his
business?!
ALVY'S MOTHER
His wife has diabetes!
ALVY'S FATHER
Di-diabetes? Is that any excuse?
Diabetes?
ALVY'S UNCLE
The man is fifty years old and doesn't
have a substantial job.
ALVY'S AUNT
(Putting more meat on her
husband's plate)
Is that a reason to steal from his father?
ALVY'S UNCLE
Whatta you talkin' about? You don't
know what you're talking about.
ALVY'S AUNT
Yes, I know what I'm talking about.
ALVY'S MOTHER
(Interrupting)
George, defend him!
ALVY'S UNCLE
(Over Alvy's father's muttering)
No Moskowitz he had a coronary.
ALVY'S AUNT
You don't say.
ALVY'S MOTHER
We fast.
MOM HALL
Stupid Thelma Poindexter ... to the
Veterans Hospital.
DAD HALL
My God, he's the new president of the
El Regis. Let me tell you, the man is
somethin' else.
MOM HALL
That's Jack's wife. We used to make
that outta raisins.
ANNIE
Oh, yes, that's right. Did you see
the new play?
MOM HALL
Oh, you remember her, Annie.
ANNIE
Yes, I do.
The two families start talking back and forth to one another. The screen is
still split.
MOM HALL
How do you plan to spend the holidays,
Mrs. Singer?
DAD HALL
Fast?
ALVY'S FATHER
Yeah, no food. You know, we have to
atone for our sins.
MOM HALL
What sins? I don't understand.
ALVY'S FATHER
Tell you the truth, neither do we.
CUT TO:
INT. DUANE'S BEDROOM-NIGHT
Duane, sitting on his bed, sees Alvy walking past the open door.
DUANE
Alvy.
ALVY
(Walking in)
Oh, hi, Duane, how's it goin'?
DUANE
This is my room.
ALVY
(Looking around)
Oh, yeah?
(He clears his throat)
Terrific.
DUANE
Can I confess something?
Alvy sighs and sits down, leaning his arm on Duane's dresser. Duane's face is
big lighted by a single lamp.
DUANE
I tell you this because, as an artist,
I think you'll understand. Sometimes
when I'm driving ... on the road at night
... I see two headlights coming toward me.
Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn
the wheel quickly, head-on into the
oncoming car. I can anticipate the
explosion. The sound of shattering glass.
The ... flames rising out of the flowing
gasoline.
ALVY
(Reacting and clearing his throat)
Right. Tsch, well, I have to-I have
t-o go now, Duane, because I-I'm due
back on the planet earth.
He slowly gets up and moves toward the door.
INT. THE HALLS' LIVING ROOM.
Mom and Dad Hall walk into the living room; Annie is with them.
MOM HALL
Now, don't let it be so long, now.
ANNIE
No.
DAD HALL
And look up Uncle Bill, you promise.
ANNIE
Okay. Okay.
MOM HALL
Oh, he's adorable, Annie.
ANNIE
You think so? Do you really?
MOM HALL
We're going to take them to the airport.
DAD HALL
Oh, no-Duane can. I haven't finished
my drink.
ANNIE
Yes, Duane is. I'll be right-
MOM HALL
M'mmm.
ANNIE
I just have time to get the, uh-
She walks out of the room as Mom and Dad Hall kiss.
EXT. ROAD - NIGHT
Duane, behind the wheel, stares straight ahead. It is raining very hard, the
windshield wipers are moving quickly. The headlights of another car brightens
the interior of Duane's car as the camera shows first Duane, then Annie, then
Alvy tensely staring straight ahead.
EXT. STREET- DAY
The camera bolds on a quiet New York City street; the buildings, brownstones.
It's a warm day-people sit on front stoops, window boxes are planted. Annie
walks into the frame first, then Alvy, who is walking to her right. They walk
quickly, side by side, their voices heard before they move into the frame.
ANNIE
(Off screen)
You followed me. I can't believe it!
ALVY
(Off screen)
I didn't follow you!
ANNIE
You followed me!
ALVY
Why? 'Cause I ... was walkin' along
a block behind you staring at you?
That's not following!
ANNIE
Well, what is your definition of
following?
ALVY
(Gasping)
Following is different. I was spying.
ANNIE
Do you realize how paranoid you are?
ALVY
Paranoid? I'm looking at you. You
got your arms around another guy.
ANNIE
That is the worst kind of paranoia.
ALVY
Yeah-well, I didn't start out spying.
I-I thought I'd surprise yuh. Pick you
up after school.
ANNIE
Yeah-well, you wanted to keep the
relationship flexible, remember?
It's your phrase.
ALVY
Oh, stop it. But you were having an
affair with your college professor.
That jerk that teaches that incredible
crap course "Contemporary Crisis in
Western Man"!
ANNIE
"Existential Motifs in Russian Literature"!
You're really close.
ALVY
What's the difference? It's all mental
masturbation.
ANNIE
(Stopping for a moment)
Oh, well, now we're finally getting to
a subject you know something about!
She walks away.
ALVY
(Catching up to her)
Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's
sex with someone I love.
ANNIE
(Continuing to walk quickly)
We're not having an affair. He's married.
He just happens to think I'm neat.
ALVY
(Still walking next to her)
"Neat"! There's that- What are you-twelve
years old? That's one o' your Chippewa
Falls expressions! "He thinks I'm neat."
ANNIE
Who cares? Who cares?
ALVY
Next thing you know he'll find you keen
and peachy, you know? Next thing you
know he's got his hand on your ass!
They both stop in the middle of the street.
ANNIE
You've always had hostility toward
David ever since I mentioned him!
ALVY
David? You call your teacher David?
ANNIE
It's his name.
ALVY
Well, listen, that's, a nice bi-it's
a biblical name. Right? W-What does
he call you? Bathsheba?
He walks away.
ANNIE
(Calling after him)
Alvy! Alvy! You're the one who never
wanted to make a real commitment. You
don't think I'm smart enough! We had
that argument just last month, or don't
ou remember that day?
CUT TO:
INT. KITCHEN.
Alvy is at the sink washing dishes as the screen cuts to the scene of last
month's argument. Annie's voice is heard.
ANNIE
(Off screen)
I'm home!
ALVY
(Turning)
Oh, yeah? How'd it go?
ANNIE
(Comes into the kitchen and puts
down a bag of groceries on the
kitchen table)
Oh, it was ...
(Laughing)
really weird. But she's a very nice woman.
ALVY
Yeah?
ANNIE
And I didn't have to lie down on the couch,
Alvy, she had me sitting up. So I told her
about-about the-the family and about my
feelings toward men and about my
relationship with my brother.
ALVY
M'm.
ANNIE
And then she mentioned penis envy ...
Did you know about that?
ALVY
Me? I'm-I'm one of the few males who
suffers from that, so, so ... you know.
ANNIE
M'hm.
ALVY
G-go on, I'm interested.
ANNIE
Well, she said that I was very guilty
about my impulses toward marriage,
and-and children.
ALVY
M'hm.
ANNIE
And then I remembered when I was a kid
how I accidentally saw my parents making
love.
ALVY
Tsch. Rea- All this happened in the
first hour?
ANNIE
M'hm.
ALVY
That's amazing. I-I-I ... I've been
goin' for fifteen years, I-you know,
I don't got ... nothing like that in-
ANNIE
Oh, I told her my dream and then I cried.
ALVY
You cried? I've never once cried.
Fantastic ...
ANNIE
(Taking groceries from the bag)
Yeah.
ALVY
I whine. I-I-I sit and I whine.
ANNIE
In-in ... Alvy, in my dream Frank
Sinatra is holding his pillow across
my face and I can't breathe.
ALVY
Sinatra?
ANNIE
Yeah, and he's strangling me ...
ALVY
Yeah?
ANNIE
... and I keep, you know, it's-
ALVY
(Taking a bottle of juice and
some celery from the bag)
Well, well, sure ... because he's a
singer and you're a singer, you know,
so it's perfect. So you're trying to
suffocate yourself. It-it makes perfect
sense. Uh, uh, that's a perfect analytic
... kind of insight.
ANNIE
(Pointing her finger at Alvy)
She said, your name was Alvy Singer.
ALVY
(Turning to Annie)
Whatta you mean? Me?
ANNIE
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you. Because in the
dream ... I break Sinatra's glasses.
ALVY
(Putting his band to his mouth)
Sinatra had gl- You never said Sinatra
had glasses. So whatta you saying that
I-I'm suffocating you?
ANNIE
(Turning, ajar in her hand)
Oh, and God, Alvy, I did ... this really
terrible thing to him. Because then when
he sang it was in this real high-pitched
voice.
ALVY
(Thinking)
Tsch, what'd the doctor say?
ANNIE
(Putting away some groceries)
Well, she said that I should probably
come five times a week. And you know
something? I don't think I mind analysis
at all. The only question is, Will it
change my wife?
ALVY
Will it change your wife?
ANNIE
Will it change my life?
ALVY
Yeah, but you said, "Will it change
my wife"!
ANNIE
No, I didn't.
(Laughing)
I said, "Will it change my life," Alvy.
ALVY
You said, "Will it change. . ." Wife.
Will it change ...
ANNIE
(Yelling out, angry)
Life. I said, "life."
Alvy turns toward the camera.
ALVY
(To the audience)
She said, "Will it change my wife." You
heard that because you were there so I'm
not crazy.
ANNIE
And, Alvy ... and then I told her about
how I didn't think you'd ever really take
me seriously, because you don't think that
I'm smart enough.
She walks out of the room.
ALVY
(To Annie's back, gesturing)
Why do you always bring that up? Because
I encourage you to take adult-education
courses? I think it's a wonderful thing.
You meet wonderful, interesting professors'.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET
Annie stands at the open door of a cab, Alvy next to her gesturing as people
and cars move by.
ALVY
Adult education is such junk! The
professors are so phony. How can you
do it?
ANNIE
A bit rapidly. I don't care what you
say about David, he's a perfectly fine
teacher!
ALVY
(Interrupting)
David! David! I can't believe this!
ANNIE
And what are you doing following me
around for, anyway?
ALVY
I'm following you and David, if you-
ANNIE
(Interrupting)
I just think we oughta call this
relationship quits!
Annie gets into the cab; Alvy leans over and closes the door.
ALVY
That's fine. That's fine. That's great!
(He turns toward the camera as the
cab drives away)
Well, I don't know what I did wrong.
(Gesturing)
I mean, I can't believe this. Somewhere
she cooled off to me!
(He walks up to an older woman
walking down the street carrying
groceries)
Is it-is it something that I did?
WOMAN ON THE STREET
Never something you do. That's how
people are. Love fades.
She moves on down the street.
ALVY
(Scratching his head)
Love fades. God, that's a depressing
thought. Have to ask you a question.
(He stops another passer-by,a man)
Don't go any further. Now, with your
wife in bed, d-d-does she need some kind
o' artificial stimulation like-like marijuana?
MAN ON THE STREET
We use a large vibrating egg.
He walks on.
ALVY
(Continuing to walk)
Large vibrating egg. Well, I ask a
psychopath, I get that kind of an answer.
Jesus, I-I, uh, here ...
(He moves up the sidewalk to
a young trendy-looking couple,
arms wrapped around each other)
You-you look like a really happy couple.
Uh, uh ... are you?
YOUNG WOMAN
Yeah.
ALVY
Yeah! So ... so h-h-how do you account
for it?
YOUNG WOMAN
Uh, I'm very shallow and empty and I
have no ideas and nothing interesting
to say.
YOUNG MAN
And I'm exactly the same way.
ALVY
I see. Well, that's very interesting.
So you've managed to work out something, huh?
YOUNG MAN
Right.
YOUNG WOMAN
Yeah.
ALVY
Oh, well, thanks very much for talking
to me.
He continues to walk past some other passersby and moves into the street. A
mounted policeman comes by and stops near him. Alvy looks at the horse, as if
to speak.
ALVY'S VOICE-OVER
You know, even as a kid I always went
for the wrong women. I think that's my
problem. When my mother took me to see
Snow White, everyone fell in love with
Snow White. I immediately fell for the
Wicked Queen.
The scene dissolves into a sequence from the animated Snow White and the Seven
Dwarfs. The Wicked Queen, resembling Annie, sits in the palace before her
mirror. Alvy, as a cartoon figure, sits beside her, arms crossed in front of
him.
WICKED QUEEN
We never have any fun anymore.
CARTOON FIGURE ALVY
How can you say that?
WICKED QUEEN
Why not? You're always leaning on me
to improve myself.
CARTOON FIGURE ALVY
You're just upset. You must be getting
your period.
WICKED QUEEN
I don't get a period! I'm a cartoon
character. Can't I be upset once in
a while?
Rob, as a cartoon figure, enters and sits down on the other side of the Wicked
Queen.
CARTOON FIGURE ROB
Max, will you forget about Annie? I
know lots of women you can date.
CARTOON FIGURE ALVY
I don't wanna go out with any other women.
CARTOON FIGURE ROB
Max, have I got a girl for you. You are
going to love her. She's a reporter-
The cartoon figures of Alvy and Rob walk past the Wicked Queen; the screen
dissolves into the interior of a concert ball. Rob's voice carries over from
the cartoon scene as the screen shows Alvy with the female reporter. It's very
crowded, noisy; policeman and reporters are everywhere. Alvy stands with his
hands in his pockets, watching the commotion.
CARTOON FIGURE ROB'S VOICE-OVER
-for Rolling Stone.
FEMALE REPORTER
I think there are more people here to
see the Maharishi than there were to see
the Dylan concert. I covered the Dylan
concert ... which gave me chills.
Especially when he sang "She takes just
like a woman And she makes love just
like a woman Yes, she does And she aches
just like a woman But she breaks just
like a little girl."
(They move toward the aisles as
a guard holds up his hands to stop
them)
Up to that I guess the most charismatic
event I covered was Mick's Birthday when
the Stones played Madison Square Garden.
ALVY
(Laughing)
Man, that's great. That's just great.
REPORTER
You catch Dylan?
ALVY
(Coughing)
Me? No, no. I-I couldn't make it that
ni- My-my raccoon had hepatitis.
REPORTER
You have a raccoon?
ALVY
(Gesturing)
Tsch, a few.
REPORTER
The only word for this is trans-plendid.
It's trans-plendid.
ALVY
I can think of another word.
REPORTER
He's God! I mean, this man is God! He's
got millions of followers who would crawl
all the way across the world just to touch
the hem of his garment.
ALVY
Really? It must be a tremendous hem.
REPORTER
I'm a Rosicrucian myself.
ALVY
Are you?
REPORTER
Yeah.
Ce
qu'on fait n'est jamais compris mais seulement loué ou blâmé.
Nietzsche, Gay Science |
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